February sucked.
Now that February is over, I can look back at some very big accomplishments that I wasn’t sure I could pull off. My job is very technical and it is very hard to explain to most normal people what I do for a living. Heck – *I* don’t quite know how to explain it. I love to watch people introduce me. They begin to stumble when they try to describe what I do.
I suppose ‘Chief Wrangler of Technical Gobbledegook’ is as a good a title as any.
I wrangled a lot of gobbledegook this past month – and it all came together. Too much drama for my taste, however: a major problem only got worked out 11 minutes before launch. No pressure.
This took a physical toll on me, however. I was a wreck. Technology doesn’t give a damn if you’re optimistic: it just won’t work, and positive thinking doesn’t make it work – worrying over every last detail makes it work. This was my job and this worry – this constant querying of myself asking: “did I forget something important?” – did a number on my health.
I had an almost constant headache for the last 2 weeks of February. I don’t take anything for headaches so I just toughed it out. My left eye began throbbing as if I had a foreign object in it. Right before things were set to launch my stomach felt like I had swallowed a package of fishhooks. My boss looked at me and asked: “Are you doubled over in the chair because of pain?” I grimly smiled and nodded and told him I’d be OK.
It launched. On time. It worked. Congratulatory emails circulated, as opposed to the type of emails that circulate upon the birth of a major failure – livid with anger and full of threats, resulting in dark faces in the hallways, hushed conversations, tension-filled meetings, and the specter of grim-faced HR people escorting a now-former coworker to the door with a cardboard box.
Now that this fraternity hazing without alcohol is over, it’s time to put my focus on my diet – which was a train wreck those last 2 weeks. I didn’t even bother watching what I ate. I just ate.
So life gets in the way of your diet sometimes. You put it on a shelf for a while, then come back to it. That’s where I am now.
I woke up this morning at 203.2. It could have been worse, considering the crap I ate. Just one example: one night on the way home I gobbled down 3 McDonald’s cheeseburgers and a large fry. I didn’t care about the diet – I cared about getting through February – and McDonald’s is comfort food. I like it. It’s crap, of course – but I like a lot of low-rent items. While I like a lot of snobby food, I can still enjoy McDonald’s, fried Spam and pork rinds.
Eating like this did comfort my troubled soul but did nothing for my waist. I am right between a loose 38 and a tight 36 waist and wore my fat pants for the past 2 weeks just to make myself more comfortable.
So taking stock of the situation, I moved my goal of 185 out to July 1st from May 1st. Dieting is like ‘Calvinball‘ – the game from the comic strip ‘Calvin and Hobbs’ where the main characters would make up the rules as they went along.
Set a goal and fuck it up? Make another goal – all’s fair in Calvinball.
The next thing I decided to do was to try to reduce my coffee consumption. I read somewhere what the limit of caffeine is where beyond that it is considered dangerous – and I exceed that limit daily. Perhaps it’s not so dangerous to a serious professional coffee-drinker like myself, but perhaps just a wee bit of moderation here might be in order. I think my stomach might appreciate it. So now I count this.
Next on the list is to get my ass cooking more. I’ve been lazy and have been eating from the deli counter way too much. So this weekend I am going to make more of my awesome kale soup. I am also going to rekindle my relationship with vegetables. I’ve been ignoring my vegetable intake. Time to remind myself that I like zucchini, cauliflower, asparagus, artichoke hearts as well as a spectrum of other yummy vegetables.
And lastly, to quote James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: Always be a little kinder than necessary. That goes for both myself as I try yet again to bring myself back to my goals as well as to others – because you can’t be kind to yourself while being a prick to the rest of the world.
Filed under: diet, Food, Food Journaling, general health, Goals, health, Personal Journal, Scenes from a low carb life, weight loss Tagged: | constant headache, Food, fraternity hazing, health, hushed conversations, restaurants
Funny- just saw Office Space the first time last night! Hilarious.
Lee
I’ve never seen it myself. I’ve heard so much about it that I can use it correctly as a cultural reference, however. I honestly can’t remember the last movie I watched from beginning to end. Maybe ‘Hugo’ (amazing flick) and Jim Carrey’s ‘a Christmas carol’ which I also enjoyed greatly.
Mind if I join you on the July 1st date??!! February: birthday cake, too much cheese, peanut butter from the jar = now 170.6. I shall re-read some of your blogs and I just ordered a new, updated version of “Living Low Carb” (Jonny Bowden). LCC: I had to lower my consumption of coffee ~ I noticed since my weight has gone up and the more coffee I drink, my blood pressure has risen slightly. I am a mess.
I’m reminded of a quote:
I’m not ok
You’re not ok
And that’s ok
So join me in a game of dieting calvinball and take a fresh stab at things. There no shame in failing if you don’t give up.
I don’t know what the daily recommended value (is there such a thing?) for caffeine is, but I think I’ve succeeded that waaaay above everyday:).
Life does get in the way of dieting sometimes. Last night I found myself eating a cup of raw/half-roasted almond by the handful. I wasn’t even hungry and when I “came to”, I felt uncomfortably stuffed and mentally kicked myself down for “emotional eating”. Looking back, I had a very tough day that morning and I didn’t give myself “quiet time” to rewind – which was probably let to the “nutty” nut-eating (pun intended). Since going low-carb I’ve been very careful to watch my carb intake – and even if I “binge” I always go low-carb. It’s still pretty bad to eat when you’re not hungry, but I don’t get the acute depression that follows carb binges anymore.
I’m keeping detailed food journals since going on the diet. I’ve read somewhere that what you eat today will affect what you eat 2~3days after. I’ve been experiencing a worsening of mood lately. I’ve always noticed that I’ve been eating a lot of chicken (too much omega-6?) lately and not enough protein. So I’m keeping an eye out on that.
And what’s wrong with fried spam and pork rinds? They’re AMAZING. Pork rinds + cream cheese / fried spam + avocado = meal!! No cleanup needed.
I love the line ‘when I came to’ – that is what I feel happens to me. It’s why I try to record and journal: to bring conscious awareness to what I eat.
As to pork rinds, try them with a dip of plain Greek yogurt, salsa and avocado. I’ll try the avocado and spam. I try to avoid low carb junk food – and both of these count as that in my book – but I’m not above eating this stuff. Life isn’t supposed to be some grim endurance race to the end. If people think less of me because I like these things, it says more about them than it does me.
Congrats on surviving the month, and bringing a difficult project to a successful conclusion. Now as you said time to concentrate on you. Good plan. Life has a habit of getting in the way of our weight loss goals but we will all get there in the end. This is not a race, its a wonderful daily adventure. Hope your stress symptoms are somewhat relieved. I too love McDonald’s. No food snobbery here. And like you also said, time to be kind to yourself and to take better care of yourself.
Well good luck on surviving. Although I’m not sure why ‘toughing out’ a headache ever seems like the right thing to do. Headache and pain releases a lot of cortisol and stresses in the body. Taking a pain reliever obviously reduced the pain but also reduces the bodies’ stress level because of the pain, that’s a double positive. Think about that next time, a headache plus high cortisol levels just makes it way worse when you’re already having the worst month of your life. Bring on the ibuprofen. Remember I’m a chef, many nights I live similar stress levels you do and being in pain just makes it that much worse for me to creatively problem solve!!! BTW I live off of your kale soup. It’s been lunch everyday for the past weeks, thank you, thank you.
I agree with Michelle. You would do well to take aspirin for headache relief. It shouldn’t cause stomach bleeding (the big concern) if protein intake is adequate and carbohydrate intake is reasonably low. http://ketopia.com/aspirin-an-exceptional-supplement-a-sneak-peek-from-modern-nutritional-diseases-2nd-ed/
Thanks, dave. You and Michelle make a valid point about occasional use. Perhaps I’ll be less pig-headed in the future.
When you have time, do read the ketopia article. You’ll find that aspirin, in terms of its effects, more resembles a supplement than a drug. On the other hand, Ibuprofen is just a drug with side effects.
You make a valid point about the possible stupidity in not treating a headache, but I’ve had bad experiences with analgesics. Ibuprofen once left me clutching my stomach for hours. I’ve had it since, but am justifiably wary. I have the same wariness with aspirin, and I think Tylenol is just plain dangerous. Really – I think you can take it now and then with no ill effect but those people who live on the stuff are going to mess up their livers in the long run.
Maybe part of it was that ‘tough and stupid’ thing that guys series do. I might reconsider this next time based on your comment – thanks for making it.
Also – kale soup – I just made my second pot of the year. Want to make this stuff transcend the earthly bounds and attain heavenly perfection? Stir in a few ounces of plain Greek yogurt right
Before eating. It’s not a meal – it’s a reason for being a sentient being capable of joyful eating.
nice work there. What do you do then? I’m guessing a computer programming type background? I am learning Python at the moment and am in love with the the black and white..you are right or wrong answer. Screw the grey areas. But I guess its easy to say that when your career isn’t hanging on the success.
Fair enough about your diet too sometimes life gets in the way. Thats why I called my blog reality bites. lol. You know if you weight 200 pounds that seems pretty light unless you are a little vertically challenged? Is the extra 15 pounds really worth it?
I put on a lot of weight over the last two years, 20 kg, or 45 pounds. I realised that the weight I was on my diet was actually pretty good from this angle and I wished I had appreciated it more. What I am saying is, don’t give up, but maybe its time to smell the roses a little?
‘Python’ is named in honor of ‘Monty Python’, in case you didn’t know.
You guessed right – a computer type background with programming ans a whole lot more.
The problem with the black and white that you see as you start is when this black and white gets layered with thousands of other black and white routines, the ‘ghost in the machine’ appears and technology does things that are at once unexpected, awe-inspiring and humbling. In fact, the more you play with black and white when placed layer upon layer, the more you find that ‘facts’ are chimeras and black and white makes grey. Check out Chaos theory for more on this.
I’m 5’10″ so I’m not particularly vertically challenged – and you’re right – I could stop here. I’m just overweight, not obese, and my blood sugar is OK as well as my bloodwork (neither are GREAT – but they’re OK). So why don’t I stop? I think it’s because there’s something much larger that I am trying to achieve than just to lose 15-20 pounds.
As to ‘smelling the roses’ – have you READ what I eat at times? Shamelessly? Joyously? I don’t smell the roses – I eat them!