Superman Orders Kryptonite with Mushrooms and Onions

That’s a damn good-looking Sicilian pizza…

[This is #2 in a series I call ‘Scenes from a Low Carb Life’ that I originally wrote for my book but removed as I have decided to take a different approach. Think of it as an excerpt from a book that will never exist. There *will* be a book – this just won’t be in it.]

There are certain foods that I have such a weakness for that I am wary of even being in their presence. Like Superman could be made weak by kryptonite, I could be made into an uncontrolled eating machine by pizza. It was my final test, the true test that the ketogenic low carb was working rather than willpower and it was body chemistry and new habits and routines practiced over 18 days that I hoped would allow me to fend off an assault by pizza when that fateful day where pizza was thrust in front of me would come.

I needed to do this: stare a pizza down. Make it blink first.

I had thought this earlier in the day, not knowing that fateful day would be today. As if on cue, my daughter called me on the way home and asked me to order a pizza. A Sicilian pizza, the square one with the thick crust, she asked specifically. With onions and mushrooms on one half.

I hung up with her and called the pizza place from the car. I have them on speed-dial. It was done. On the way to my house, as I was. I would meet my biggest, scariest food foe this evening for a cage match.

The pizza arrived home about the same time I did. It was hot and fresh, and a good-looking pie. I checked it out carefully, examining my own reaction to it. I was hungry. The pie did look good, but again there was a detachment that again I can’t claim to be some inner strength or willpower, no grit or self-mastery here.

No great strength seemed necessary to resist, instead it’s pull over me had diminished. I didn’t need to hate pizza, or say it was bad for me; I didn’t need to demonize or rationalize, nor ‘be strong’ – it was like: ‘hey pizza, I’m just not into you like that anymore.’

It was a food I just so happened wasn’t eating at present. I have no doubt I’ll be eating pizza again, surely – but for right now, I’ll pass. I’m getting the feeling I will try to continue this induction for as long as I can until my vacation in December: it simply wasn’t bothering me – why stop now?

My younger daughter wanted a piece. I took a slice out of the box and gave it to her. I hung out with my wife and daughters while they ate for maybe a half-hour, until I went upstairs to read.

The lone showdown

It was about 9:30 when I realized that my calories for the day were way too low. I think by that time I had only eaten 700 or so. I really could have gone to sleep without eating more, but the whole point of this diet is not calorie restriction – even when possible. It is about the right amount of calories, and nutritious ones. Starving yourself was not allowed.

I went to the kitchen to eat about 1,000 calories or so.

Of course when I got there, the pizza was there. I was alone with it. No one would notice a missing slice. It’s said that character is what you do when no one is looking. If I was putting up a noble front while my wife and kids were around, it was free to go now. If there was any deep subterranean desire to gobble up pizza that I had convinced myself wasn’t there, this would be the acid test where the facade would crack. I know, because it has happened so many times before that I would go to the kitchen for a simple snack and end up turning the leftovers in the fridge into an impromptu all-you-can-eat buffet.

Honestly, there wasn’t much to eat that interested me – I wasn’t all that hungry when I went to the kitchen. I ended up have some hard cheese with mayonnaise, again measuring the cheese with the scale more for the novelty of the new digital scale than anything else. 3 ounces. I eyeballed the mayonnaise at about 5 tablespoons – I think that was about right. I also weighed out a serving of pork rinds – 9 grams. So that’s what it looks like. I had that with the salted Belgium butter.

There was that pizza, though. In the box, it’s cheesy goodness mocking me. There was a way, you know…

I grabbed a plate and slipped off the toppings of one slice. Mozzarella cheese, maybe a teaspoon of sauce, mushrooms and onions. 4 ounces total. I sprinkled some hot pepper on it – how I like it – and ate the cheese with a knife and fork. Satisfied, I went to bed.

I got some, but it didn’t get me.

5 thoughts on “Superman Orders Kryptonite with Mushrooms and Onions

      1. Perhaps you do have a valid point. I have noticed lately that I have increased my carb count on special occasion, and have not seen an appreciable increase in weight. I wonder if I have achieved a good balance with food in my life. But food is not the only substance that must be controlled. Funny thing- we all seek such control over our lives, but some of the most fun, or most scary episodes in life- the times you feel the most real, are those times when things are NOT in ‘control”. Maybe I just grew up with too much chaos and it’s in my blood,
        I like how you’ve researched and tried to find answers. But here’s what you are NOT sharing in your blogs- the one thing that would make everyone hang on your words- and that is- HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL??? Yeah, how do you feel? What is your emotional state? What rows your boat? What is LCC all about? What is your center? Family? Love? Faith? Work? Tell us that, tell us who you are. What makes you the guy we never tire of hearing about? Why do we care about you and your life? I am playing Devil’s advocate here, but for real- pour out your heart. You are so logical and analytical , Scorpio, but let’s see your humor , your fears and loves, your heart. Write from the most primal part of yourself. You might be surprised at what is revealed, and how much we all want to read it. I am not saying exploit yourself, just reveal who you ARE. Ok?
        Your friend,
        Lee K. MacKenzie

  1. Fantastic! I know you say you weren’t running on willpower but keto power but I still think you did a fabulous job. That was one damn fine looking pizza!

    Thanks to reading your blog last week and (re)learning that its okay to fall off the wagon but there’s no need to stay in the gutter and add to the crap with self blame, I managed to get back on my own wagon this week-end and feel amazing. Not that I am in ketosis nor is the dieting making me feel great its being in control again, feeling hopeful again. I can’t thank you enough. You didn’t ‘do’ anything but because you are blogging your life and sharing with others you have inspired me. Thanks again. I also learned from you that its okay to eat ‘whatever/whenever’. It doesn’t have to be breakfast food at breakfast, it just has to be low carb, with fat. Appreciate you and your blog very much.

    Good luck with the book. Remember you are your own worst critic, so go easy on yourself where the book is concerned. 🙂

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