My Crappy Diet So Far 11-08-2014

Another missive from the trenches. Where was I?

Oh yeah – Friday, Day 5. Still grumpy and wrote a screed on how much BS a positive attitude is for weight loss.

Don’t misunderstand: a positive attitude and a cheery, positive outlook are great things and help with motivation.

My concern is what happens when they abandon you because of the vicissitudes of life – or if you’re just not that type of person.

Are you doomed to never losing weight because you lack positivity? I call bullshit on this.

Anyway – back to Friday. I don’t start out with anything other than a half-baked plan, and it wasn’t in my plans at all to survive the work day on coffee with Atkins shakes as creamer and a big handful of macadamia nuts before I left work – but that’s how it ended up.

Beat up from the week at work, I went home and found the energy to cook the zucchini concoction from the other day. That gizmo to noodlize the zucchini really is a neat little contraption.

I had a bowl of the stuff, then found myself craving the REAL pasta in the fridge – and had a small bowl of that. My daughter had made a pile of these wonderful baked potatoes where she slices them very thinly almost all the way through and drenches them in oil, butter, and spices. I had two of these small wonders.

Lastly, I had a bit of chocolate cake and a few tablespoons of ice cream.

I still haven’t started my low carb diet apparently – maybe it should be called ‘lowish’ at this point.

While not sticking to a plan (as if I really had one), the volume of food eaten was not excessive for the day, and I was not particularly bothered by my so-called diet. Perhaps its indifference: it was lunch time and I decided to have some lunch – but the thought of *any* food just filled me with ennui.

I had another cup of coffee instead.

If I were to characterize my state of mind I would list cynical, indifferent, with a repressed anger that comes across as a dark humor that most people have come to expect of me. I was talking to a coworker who is leaving and he mentioned that I had a very good reputation within the company. I had told him that he had very good social skills and he told me: “You have your own social skills.”

We never see ourselves as others see us, but if I were to try to fathom why people put up with me in work is because I am often the target of my own savage sardonic tongue. I am quick to point out my own flaws – perhaps it takes the edge off when I criticize others’ ideas with the same savage, sarcastic, and original banter. I am nothing if not original.

Or maybe my coworker was lying and they all hate me. Always a possibility.

Self-absorbed digression aside, the day did end and I the next one arrived.

Day 6 – Saturday, November 8, 2014. Wow. The number just keeps going down. I was 234.6, which puts me down 6.6 pounds from the outset. My blood glucose was 111, which is still inching lower.

It’s the weekend, and that brings two possibilities:

1. The time to think out a more detailed plan for the coming week and maybe get the ‘low carb’ part of the diet started
2. A time to eat incessantly with a comfy chair to sit in and a fridge nearby

There was also the possibility of neither. Chores are piling up and my younger daughter needs an emergency trip to the dentist because a loose tooth was giving her a lot of pain. It might just be another weekend stumbling through the brambles that appear out of the mist – which seems a fine metaphor of my life as of late.

It’s not to say I don’t have *any* plans. There’s a pork belly in the fridge I want to cook. I still have sausages. I have plenty of sour cream. I have tuna and mayo. I have my leftover zucchini pasta with the cream cheese sauce. I still have 2 big containers of my kale soup in the freezer.

If I didn’t hit a store the entire weekend I wouldn’t starve the coming week, but it would do me good to maybe go through my recipes, put together a bit of a meal plan so I don’t get bored, and try to align it with my family’s food needs so they can add a starch to what I’m eating and join in as well.

We’ll see if that happens.

Again, I’m going to stop here and press ‘post’ before I overthink this post and end up not posting it.

To be continued…