Some random stuff
To some extent this is a hijacking. The blog I maintained since 2007 until the end of 2014 – then essentially left fallow for 2015 – was written by what seems like another fellow. In a lot of ways, I ain’t him. First of, that guy was way thinner than I am. Another was that guy got up at 4am and sometimes wrote and edited for 2 hours – then wouldn’t post because something just wasn’t right. I have hundreds of unposted posts. He was also younger. I feel much older than him.
At day 4, I see this go-round as something else. While I am hoping to post more frequently – perhaps as a means of accountability as one commenter said – I am probably going to be more brief in my posts as I don’t have the time I once did. I am also not going to spend much time editing. This is going to suck for you if you happen to be a grammar Nazi, but I simply don’t have the time. Even edited my stuff is full of grammatical errors and they are going to increase. This is going to be more stream-of-consciousness and that might mean I repeat myself in the same post, I repeat myself across posts, I will no doubt contradict myself, I confuse it’s and its all the time. There will be flagrant acts of misspelling, Random Acts of Capitalization, and a whole host of other egregious errors, awkward constructions, and malaprops to torture the language to such an extent that it would confess to anything to please make me stop.
I don’t do this for a living – or even side income. The advertising you might see is not chosen by me, and the income might buy my family a nice dinner once a year. I also don’t get a kickback from the links I might post to products.
And I don’t care if anyone reads this or not. I write mostly for the same reason dogs chew bones – I like it.
My hope is that, buried within the dashed off drivel will come forth a more clear set of goals, larger than just a number on the scale, as well as a means to get there that is not some grim march but a path that I would come I find I like to be on, one that makes me feel better – and maybe even be a better person.
Let’s face it: this is an endless struggle. Even if I were to lose all the weight i wanted to, the chances of maintaining that loss are 95 to 1. You think losing is hard? Maintaining is even worse. I maintained 2/3rds of my original 80 lb. weight loss (+/- 30 lbs.) for a decade, so it can be done. I did a lousy job of it, however, and then I gave up, lost the mojo, and got fat again.
I find putting thoughts into words clarify thoughts. If it helps anyone else, I will be glad. If it satisfies some voyeristic tendencies – hey – whatever you’re into. If it makes you feel superior – glad to be of help.
There is little in the way of a plan at this point other than: try to stick to diet, eat and post, eat and post.
So pardon the mess that is and that is to come – hopefully. I can’t even promise another post. I might just go *poof* again and become just another dead blog.
Got to take this day by day.
Day 4 – Tuesday, December 29, 2015 – Wt: 270.6 Blood Glucose 103 – 75.6 pounds to go
I gained a little. It’s OK. One thing I want to do in this go-round is focus on the ketogenic diet and less on the weight. Yes – the weight loss is important – but I don’t want to the number on the scale to derail me from being in ketosis as many days as possible this year and see what it gets me.
Up around 7:30 I had my coffee and cream. It wasn’t until 11am that I tested for ketones. Yep. I’m spilling them. That’s what I’ve heard it called when you are using the using test strips, which are pretty unreliable beyond the simple: ‘ketosis? Yes or no’. They are actually an awful indicator of just how deeply you are in ketosis. You could be deeply in ketosis, drink a lot of water, and the strips will hardly turn color at all; conversely, you could be in mild ketosis, be dehydrated, and the strips turn dark.
For real accuracy you need a blood test kit. The problem here is the strips are ridiculously expensive. I think I paid $2 per strip. I know it takes weeks to see your blood ketone level rise to an optimal level – and I need to do some research to determine what I think my ‘optimal level’ is. People go on ketogenic diets for epilepsy, cancer, and a few other ailments. I simply do not know what the ideal number is for weight loss – or if anybody knows.
I can tell you this: in one very intense go at ketosis, I had gotten my blood level up to 3.0 mmol – which is pretty high. I was walking outside on a hot summer day and while I wasn’t quite sure how to describe how I felt, I was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be long before I passed out. (By the way – I’ve never passed out in my life.)
Luckily there was a place that sold bottled water right next to me and within a few minutes we had sat down for a light lunch of salad and cheese and I felt way better after that.
So how much ketosis, how much food, what food – and a million other details – still need to be sorted out.
You might say: ‘Dope! Look at your blog! You’ve been writing since 2007! Isn’t it all here?!?’
Maybe – I just hate reading my own stuff. Right now my short-sited goals are:
- Stay in ketosis
- Manage the carb and booze cravings
- Navigate the upcoming New Year’s Eve party
Despite the fact I’m home within view of the fridge, the craving have been quite low for most of the day. I had some liverwurst and mustard on pork rinds at 12, then fell asleep reading (I am going to miss my afternoon naps when I go back to work!), then when I woke up I had another zero-calorie energy drink. My Drink of choice? Rock Star – the energy drink with the cheesiest graphics and lame copy. What they DO have is a mix of ingredients that seem to do the trick. How do I know? Well, one morning I stupidly drank one after coffee on an otherwise empty stomach and had a panic attack on the highway. Does YOUR energy drink give you panic attacks?
If it doesn’t then it’s not a Rock Star.
Anywho. In the evening I made frozen pizza for my daughter. This is a crap food I quite enjoy, but despite cooking it and cutting it, then wrapping the remainder, my tongue didn’t hang out. This – I believe – is the power of ketosis. I love carbs but they don’t love me. If I can just get myself into ketosis, it goes a long way toward reducing carb cravings. This doesn’t mean that I’m invulnerable to a weak moment or a thoughtless cheat, but it’s a big help and a reason why I find a diet that restricts certain foods superior to one where you eat anything – but watch portion size. I lost weight like that in my 20s and when people asked me my secret I told them: learn to be hungry all the time.
I myself decided to have 2 of the spicy Italian sausages for dinner around 7:30. I did not drench them in their oil and sprinkle with parm cheese this time but rather had slices with pats of butter. I probably ate half a stick. I like the combo – and for me, butter is the most powerful ketogenic food I’ve found.
This is where I frighten my friends. This is how it goes: On a diet? Good for you. Low carb you say? I’ve heard it works for a lot of people…HALF A STICK OF BUTTER?!? The wheels come off the conversation about then and that smile one wears when talking to a lunatic appears on their faces. I don’t talk about it much anymore unless for whatever reason I want people to think I’m nuts. There’s no convincing most people who eating a half-stick of butter might be healthy in certain, special cases – but then they enjoy a nice bowl of New England Clam Chowder at a restaurant and pay little attention that it is primarily cream and butter with some clams and a few chunks of potato thrown in.
Digression aside, after the sausages and butter I was a bit thirsty. I’d already had 2 energy drinks and that’s my limit for the day so I took the freakin’ HUGE Wendy’s plastic cup from when I got my daughter a large soda and thought that meant a reasonable size instead of a diabetic-coma-inducing amount of sugared soda, filled with ice, gave it a huge squirt of lemon juice, topped with water and added 4 drops of EZ-Sweetz. This made for a perfectly serviceable lemonade.
Before bed I had 5-6 spoonfuls of vanilla creme fraise and 4 pieces of American cheese, then lights out.