I have little booklet where I had restarted a ritual that had worked well for me for close to a decade. I fold a piece of printer paper into a little 8-page book I could slip in my pocket. I kept my to-dos as well as my goals in this. Each week I rewrote it.
A lot of times the goals I wrote I didn’t achieve – but enough did to make it worthwhile.
I don’t have the book with me now but I recall the big ones being:
- I eat low carb, healthy, and in small portions
- I cook more and use the food saver to freeze meals
- I don’t drink alcohol until I am 200 lbs.
I didn’t mention a weight loss goal – yet – because I have been so awful and didn’t know what I weighed.
I know what I weigh now – 278.0. Impressively BAD.
I got here because of a combination of factors – one of them being hedonism, and the other just not giving a shit.
I bought new clothes in larger sizes online than I can find in the store and made another hole in my belt this very morning so I don’t damage my internal organs using it to keep up my pants.
It’s a shitty situation and I’ve failed a thousand more times than i’ve succeeded – but here I am, embarrassing myself – trying again.
The chances of this happening beg the term: ‘when pigs fly’. She was correct in her usage. Wikipedia defines the phrase thusly:
“When pigs fly” is an adynaton, a way of saying that something will never happen. The phrase is often used for humorous effect, to scoff at over-ambition. There are numerous variations on the theme; when an individual with a reputation for failure finally succeeds, onlookers may sarcastically claim to see a flying pig.
I’m going to attempt to start with a ‘flavor fast’. It’s a name I’ve given to eating as few flavors as possible. The point of this to try to break the hedonistic desire for foods of many different flavors and textures and keep it to a few basics – and not necessarily stuff I really like.
I’m not quite sure how to go about not giving a shit – apathy is a tough one to get around. I’ve found small wins can help, but it hasn’t proven a magic bullet for me in a long while. That’s why I restarted the little paper booklet ritual again. Perhaps if I start with some focus and force myself to actually HAVE goals, then maybe – maybe – I’ll actually start heading in that direction.
So far I plan on Atkins Shakes and coffee – we’ll see what gets added from here.
I had an appointment with my doctor for July 7th that I cancelled and rescheduled for October. I told the nurse the doctor wanted me to come in to see some improvement since my last visit but I hadn’t done a damn thing and was going to start now – which she found quite funny.
By mid-afternoon I had a shake as well as a big glass of water with psyllium flakes. I use the raw, unpleasant kind rather than the finely ground and orangy Metamucil. Not that Metamucil is bad stuff – I’m just so used to the coarse-ground unflavored stuff that I don’t care.
When I first lost 80 pound on low carb starting in 2003 I used this stuff mostly because I though I might get ‘stopped up’ without it – though that wasn’t really the case. I also drank the shakes as well as a lot of water and it seemed to work then…maybe it will work 13 years later?
Late afternoon before leaving work I had some food fantasies: what else would I to my ‘flavor fast’? I began to imagine the chili I had made, the hamburgers and dogs from the day before. My stomach bothered me and sometimes I eat just to settle an upset stomach but this time I didn’t.
My family then went out while I sat and drank water, wondering what I would eat for ‘dinner’. I eventually decided on a leftover cheeseburger, without bun, with a bit of onion and ketchup.
And that was it for my eating.
They came back with takeout mussels from a local restaurant. I was offered some but didn’t have any.
My tally for the day was small: maybe 700 calories total. Under 20 grams net carbs. 54 grams of protein.
Low Carb Confidential 
Remember you wrote a list of what you were eating that was helpful in dropping weight? I referred to that and found that to be helpful to me ~ Mary Ellen
I did? I don’t read my own posts so I don’t remember.
I am back on the wagon as of yesterday as well. I looked like a bloated corpse after the 4th of July weekend and decided enough was enough. I made it 4 weeks in January while cheating on Saturdays (booze and pizza) and lost a crap ton of weight. Going to see if I can make it at least 2 months with some cheating on Saturdays only, not as crazy as the last time though. Day 2, so far so good. I still forget how much damn water weight we carry as my belt is already loose at my normal notch.
I could never get that predetermined cheat day trick to work for me – I’m too erratic. It works for a lot of people, though, and an occasional carbfest might be good for you in the long run – but what do I know?
I like to read your posts. More real that some who never do or admit to struggling. When things are tough going for me and I just know I’m going to cheat, I try and only cheat with stuff that is low carb. So what if I just ate two full dinners, at least it won’t be as damaging as a bowl of pasta.
I do the same thing – and sometimes that extra eating led to more weight loss for some reason I can’t comprehend. (Then I would think I could tempt fate twice, start overeating regularly, and fail again.)
Low carb didn’t work for me. I just got fatter. Low calorie worked for awhile. I stalled. Now I am on the Plan elimination diet to see which foods I shouldn’t be eating because my body hates those foods. The inflammation makes us fat. This is day 12 and so far I have discovered I should not be eating eggs, cheese, or pork and I think chocolate might also be a problem but I don’t want to test it again. I eat one of those foods and put on a pound or more overnight. Stop eating the food and go back to “safe” foods to calm and heal my gut and lose the gained weight the next morning.
On low carb I loved eating cheese, ham, bacon and scrambled eggs. No need to wonder any longer why I kept gaining weight instead of losing it. And the acid reflux these foods give me is terrible. Every day I ate these things I added a pound or two to my weight. In 3 months that weight gain was significant. In hindsight.
What have you found that is safe for you?
I can eat zucchini,onions, ginger, avocado, kale, lettuce, olive oil, almonds, chicken, chickpeas, brown rice,watermelon, blueberries, apples,carrots, beets, butternut squash, dried cranberries, white bread (toasted) so far. If food is non-reactive I lose anywhere from a half to one and a half pounds a day. Yesterday I reacted to soy and gained 3 pounds overnight. Today is a “rest” day to let my body heal ( I eat the safest foods only). So flax granola and blueberries for breakfast, a roasted beet with oil and vinegar dressing and a handful of almonds for lunch and tonight a frying pan full of fried zucchini slices and onion with 4 to 6 ounces of grilled chicken. I am supposed to have a mixed greens salad as well but don’t know if I will need it. We drink lots of water. This is day 12 for me so I haven’t tested all that many foods yet. But have gotten a reaction twice so far.
The “flu feeling” you get from Atkins happens on this diet as well. Which is puzzling. And if you eat a food that is bad for you–well, it’s pretty evident. And you won’t be trying that food again any time soon.
I’m the odd sort of person who enjoys listening to negative people. negative people tend to have a better grasp on reality. They also more clearly see the obstacles up ahead and have a ‘plan b’.
I wouldn’t even *think* of trying to lose weight again if I was an optimist – given my track record I would have been too demoralized to try. As a pessimist I can happily give it a go knowing I’ll probably fail, but what the hell.
Your post of January 2, 2016 shows a very detailed food list ~ I just typed in “list of foods” in your search bar ~ aren’t I smart today??!!
I wrote this?!?
Yes, and “core foods” on November 6, 2011, right underneath your keto foods.