I’m not hungry…and then I am

What was it – day 3?

I felt better in subtle and not so subtle ways. It’s not like the weight was flying off, but my head felt, in general, more clear. I didn’t seem to be craving carbs that much – and I passed the new White Castle being built along my work route home not with excited expectation – I had fully planned to be among the first to go there – but with a sadness that comes from Things That Will Never Be.

It’s hard to notice things that *don’t* happen and feelings you *don’t* feel. It seems I am not hungry – well, as I’ve written before, hunger feels different on a low carb diet. To me it feels less urgent – even when present.

I also find that breads and other savory carbs don’t dance in my head like they did only a day or two back. It’s way early to say I’m over them – but it does feel different.

It was 1:30pm before I had my first solid food – 2 tablespoons of butter wrapped in a slice of roast beef – and a string cheese. I did have coffee before that along with some Atkins shake I use as creamer. A container lasts me a few days. Regardless of what the label says I do not refrigerate after opening. It’s usually fine, though on a fe occasions it turns into a semi-solid – which is my signal to ditch and get another one.

I have plenty. I have Amazon auto-ship 48 to my house every month. I started this awhile back as I took a few furtive steps toward dieting again. I find they help.

Things quickly deteriorated late afternoon. First, some nimrod brought in extra Halloween candy and let it unattended in the kitchen. I can assure you that my higher cognitive powers were surely snoozing or out playing golf because no conscious thought went in to my decision to eat some. I didn’t even attempt to rationalize it.

It got worse as a few of my coworkers had a little going away party for a departing colleague. There was beer and champagne as well as chips and dip. I had a beer and some champagne, and a few chips and dip before heading out the door to go home.

And then, I stopped at McDonald’s and bought 3 double cheeseburgers.

Again, the troublesome part was the complete lack of my higher cognitive functions from even *commenting* – it stood by and did nothing.

After the feeding my higher powers of reasoning came back online. They assessed the situation calmly, assigned no guilt I could detect, and went back to doze in a corner.

It pretty much stopped there. I did have 2 large glasses of milk but other than that, did not eat the rest of the night. A voice inside of me said ‘we’ll pick this up tomorrow’ and that was about it.

I think I know what’s going on. I won’t speculate here and now, but I think I need to manage the Executive Function of my brain better.