I had ‘the dream’.
I’ve had these dreams only a few times in my life. They occured when I had made a change so profound and that I had internalized so deeply that my brain seemed to squirt out these dreams – perhaps as a cautionary tale – or as a confirmation I was doing the right thing.
A previous time I had a similar dream I had changed careers, changed jobs, had a crazy boss, worked in a new, high-stress environment, got married, and was buying a house that was a ‘fixer-upper’ (though I was no handyman) that I wasn’t sure we could afford.
I had a dream that they had rehired me at my old, comfortable, zero-growth-potential job. They walked me back to my old desk and I settled in – then a lightning bolt of terror went down my spine that woke me up with that: “Thank GOD it’s a dream!” feeling.
I took that as: as tough as what you’re doing, you’re better off – hang in there.
Last night, on Day 46 of my current diet, where I am still experimenting – trying to hack together a list of foods I eat and don’t eat, as well as when I eat – both for health as well as for fitting into my lifestyle and simple pleasure, I had the first dream I remember in a while.
In it I was given some sort of chocolate/peanut butter candy. Something with a crunch. I remember little about the dream in particular except that I was offered the stuff and took a big bite. I felt the sweetness in my mouth and a sudden terror came over me as I asked myself: Why are you eating this?!? YOU. DON’T. EAT. THIS!
It was real fright and panic.
Like the previous dream I had over 20 years ago, whatever part of the mind that is in charge of dreams seems to think, in my estimation: what you’re doing is the the right thing – hang in there.
I told my adult daughter last night: You know what sucks? I gave up bread, McDonald’s, pizza, deli sandwiches, cake, dairy, artificial sweeteners – and you know what? I feel way better. I had so much energy today – I went to work and zipped through a number of different tasks, my brain felt sparkly and sharp, I was full of ideas, rolled with the punches, was in a good mood, and the day flew by.
It seems like there’s a connection: eat like shit – feel like shit. Duh – right?
It’s different to know something in an academic fashion and feeling it in every cell of your body as you live it.
I think I am nearing a point where I’ll have a steady path. There’s still tweaking to do, but I am beginning to lose weight again after giving up dairy and artificial sweeteners, but I am still learning, taking a very different approach to keto than I would have done in the past – and wading through some contradictory information to determine what works for me. No dairy and artificial sweeteners was tough for a few days – and I could not have this at the start of the diet as it would have been too overwhelming to do everything all at once – but now I’m grudgingly OK with it – I do miss the cheese WAY more than the artificial sweeteners, though.
Everything points to: I think I’m on the right path for me. Keep going.