I am SO glad no one visits this dump anymore. Blogs are so early 2000s – nobody really wants to read long-form stuff unless it’s good – and while I might have had flashes of inspiration here and there, my 14 years of blather ends up not much better that one fat monkey banging on his IBM Selectric he got off of EBay – another relic of the early aughts.
Excuse me while I make a ditto of the fax I need to send. I have the phone number in my PDA.
OK, I’m back. Forgive me – a little high from the ditto fumes and the correction fluid I use while typing. What was I saying?
Oh yeah – I’m fat – I mean FAT. I MEAN FAT.
I MEAN FAT!
No excuses for me. The pandemic and a remote job left me such an opportunity to exercise and eat right and exit the pandemic lean, healthy, and vaccine-enabled. Of course I didn’t use the opportunity for good – I used it to indulge in what might have been the food habits of a 10-year-old kid who does the grocery shopping. I’m not a sweets person but there sure are a lot of savory crap foods!
I stopped weighing myself. Stopped checking my blood glucose. My commute from the bedroom to the desk to the kitchen to the bathroom and back to the bed made the Big Lebowski look like a real go-getter.
Well, I was actually *working* – which The Dude did not abide – a lot of hours and weekends as well – but in between the work and sleep and the potty breaks was plenty of guilt-free crap food and elastic sweat pants.
It’s not hard to predict where this would lead. Checking my glucose levels and weighing myself daily were important feedback loops that I discarded. At the beginning of December, with zero fucks to give, I threw in the towel on Low Carb / Keto / Wheat belly and ate whatever I wanted.
Now I’ve been controlling my intake of food and what I eat with varying success since 2003. I was artifically thiner than I would be otherwise for many years because I did those things, and while I might have had my transgressions, there were enough occasions in between of diet adherence that kept me from What Might Have Been.
And here I am at the amazing weight of 303 lbs. Way to go loser! My fingers and toes are like a giant baby’s – chubby and cute. While I am nearing 60 I have no wrinkes because the fat fills them all in.
I took a shower today and decided to give my old friend and old enemy the scale a try. It told me that number I will not mention again, but after the shower I weighed myself again just in case It was a false memory I was suffering from – they are very fashionable in the US these days.
Nope. Pretty much the same.
So I decided that now might be a good time to start a diet – which ruined my plans for an evening of wine and pizza – that’s for sure.
But what *do* I eat?
I gotta tell you – knocking around in the Atkins / Low Carb / Keto / Wheat Belly world for most of 17 years, reading every book and article I could find and writing 1,000 blog posts (of which I’ve probably only posted half) and written 2 or 3 bad books I never published – I am fucking SICK OF THE TOPIC!
So here I am, writing to nobody, sick of being fat, sick of dieting, and just plain sick (I’m not the picture of health nor energy) and yet I’m yoked to this diet approach because…why exactly? Sunk-cost fallacy maybe?
Maybe I can join WW (formally known as ‘Weight Watchers’) or Nutrasystem is still out there – right? Or maybe one of those ‘I’m too busy coding to eat!’ meal replacement crap like Soylent for bro developers who think it’s cool to drink this shit while hoping their stupid iPhone apps gets bought by Facebook for a billion dollars Mark Zuckerberg finds in an old couch under the seat cushions.
I really don’t have a plan. And part of me doesn’t *want* a plan either. But I guess for me – for better or worse – I long ago was baptized in olive oil into the church of Low Carb and despite my roundness I continue to believe. I no longer need science – it only exists to confirm my biases.
Now THAT is fashionable!