Is it a diet or an eating disorder?

Not me but a kindred soul

My start date for this try was June 17, 2020. I’ve been pretty strict to the point that it might resemble an eating disorder if I didn’t have the science-y terms ‘Intermittant Fasting’ and ‘Autophagy’ to comfort me that I am doing the right thing.

I suppose that ‘disordered eating’ is in the eye of the beholder. There are so many different diets to choose from that someone is bound to frown upon the eating habits of most people – especially those of us with excess adipose tissue who comprise nearly the only group left where it is mostly ok to be prejudiced against. I mean, why don’t we just put the fucking fork down, get up from the table, and go for a run? Huh?

If there is a Hell, there is a special ring for the people who say that. It is filled with healthy, portion-controlled food. Every time they take a bite they gain 20 pounds, their pants don’t fit, and slim people question their character while eating fast-food burgers and fries and sucking up choclate shakes.

The day I started this I had cream in my multiple coffees, a cheese sandwich with lettuce and mayo as well as some ‘keto granola’ that someone bought prior to the scale weighing that prompted me to start. I ate nothing the remainder of the day. The remainder of the day was seltzer with added MiO ‘flavor enhancer’. (Note to MiO company: water has no ‘flavor’ – it’s kind of the zero-point for determining flavor. Maybe you should calll it ‘flavor creator’.)

Where was I? Oh – so my stats for the day were:

06/17/2021 – Calories: 1400 / Protein: 41g / Net Carbs: 42 / Fat: 121

Disordered eating? If you believe in 3 squares a day – yeah. Calorically I’m a little low but not in the ‘disorder’ range for one day (under 1000 every day would strike me as disordered for me), the protein is low, and while the carbs are high for a keto diet, a lot of people would consider this ‘low but ok’.

Yesterday however was a different matter. I had gone over 24 hours before eating 2 cans of tuna with mayo – and other than my coffe and cream, that was it. I wasn’t particularly hungry and was feeling the onslaught of ketones which might have helped to suppress appetite.

06/18/2021 – Calories: 1000 / Protein: 82g / Net Carbs: 2 / Fat: 76

That’s a little disordered in my book for me. YMMV. The calories and protein too low but the fat is right about perfect and the carbs – well, anything under 20 is ok in my book.

Then there’s today. I’m feelin’ it. What they used to call ‘The Atkins Flu’. Your sodium goes out of whack and you get headaches and feel sick. My gut has also noticed the change in volume and macronutrient proportions and I woke up with stomach pain that I soothed with a few tablespoons of plain yogurt, 2 cheese sticks, and a little pasta sauce for dipping. This made the top part of my alimentary canal feel better but the lower part was preparing for fireworks.

This always happens. I have never entered ketosis without a sudden purging bout of ‘the trots’. Ketosis is a big change – you are literally changing the fuel your entire body runs on – so I don’t get too concerned over this as long as a bathroom is handy.

My excuse for eating somewhat disordered is that I started without a plan and didn’t have the foods in the house I usually would have if I had planned this out. If I did, I might have eaten closer to the macros I’m tracking for (or maybe not).

At 5am I put in an order for food from my local grocery store to be delivered later in the morning. Reflecting on this purchase, I’m not sure I made the best choices:

  • 2 lbs. ground beef
  • frozen sliced peppers
  • sliced olives
  • Ricotta cheese
  • Shredded mozzarella
  • pickles
  • American cheese
  • Bologna
  • Lindt 78% Dark Chocolate
  • Romaine lettuce

I planned to make an ‘Italian Chili‘ of sorts by browning the beef, adding some garlic, pasta sauce, the peppers, and olives to make an Italian-inspired keto dish I can put mozzarella and ricotta on.

American cheese is a necessity in my life. I don’t buy the processed stuff (which isn’t cheese) and find it works ok in moderation. Cheese is like that. Atkins said no more than 4 ounces per day. He’s been dead for nearly 20 years and I think that’s still good advice.

The bologna *could* be problematic. Being a Boomer, I have a warm spot for this Depression-era mystery meat that has lost its popularity. If I can moderate my consumption I should be ok. We’ll see.

Took the kid out for an errand and felt a bit woozy but I survived. Started to get hungry about 5pm and I had an Atkins Shake – freshly arrived from Walmart and on my porch this morning. I drank a tanker’s-worth of this stuff in the early 2000s and thought I’d give it another go.

I was still hungry after that and I had some romaine lettuce leaves with Ken’s Steakhouse Ranch Dressing. A number of Ken’s sald dressings are very low carb and were a staple on my first go-round. I also had a Claussen pickle half.

Not too long after I had another ketogenic ‘poopsplosion’. Like a thunderstorm it moved in quickly, produced great violence, then quickly passed – leaving only menacing rumbles that faded away.

I seemed fine after that – and still hungry. That bologna called to me. Problematic, enigmatic – the taste of being a kid again, my Mom giving me a sandwich at lunch (That’s a lie, actually. I have no recollection of eating the stuff as a kid but bologna has always seemed part of my life. It never made a memory unlike my Mom boiling hot dogs for my lunch or making me pastina – a grain-like Italian pasta in the shape of tick-sized little stars – drenched in melted butter. Home for lunch, I would eat that stuff – or a grilled cheese or Campbell’s Tomato Soup with Premium Crackers or some other kid-friendly stuff I don’t remember – and watch the terrible cartoon ‘Corageous Cat and Minute Mouse‘ because there were only 7 channels in those days.)

Where was I – oh – I’m writing about keto on a diet blog in 2021. Us Boomers and our digressions, eh? Transported to 1968 and back in a flash. Time travel is real, kids.

ANYWAY – I entered the bologna in my Cronometer app and found I could have about 3 ounces of this false-memory-producing food. I weighed out 3 ounces and ate each slice with great pleasure, actually.

An interesting observation that isn’t about cartoons or false memories is once finished I ran upstairs and noticed a non-event: I wasn’t that winded.

Huh? Like – ok – I’m close to 300 lbs. and don’t exercise – I expect to be winded, and when I dash down the staris for some coffee before a meeting, when I’m back at my desk I’m winded. But not so much this time.

The ketosis perhaps? The poops, the headache, the mild wooziness, and the overall reduction in heartburn were expected. I was not expecting any impact on how winded I might be.

Maybe a fluke. I’ll have to see if it’a a pattern – can carbs make you winded? We’ll see.

My macros for 06/19/2021 – Calories: 1051 / Protein: 38g / Net Carbs: 23 / Fat: 89. Calories too low, protein too low, carbs ok, fat ok. I didn’t prepare for this at all and it shows – hopefully I can dial in these macros a little better in the coming days. I hope to cook my first batch of low carb food in a long time tomorrow – maybe that will help.

I decided the evening would be just seltzer with MiO. I was having the Strawberry/Watermelon flavor, which I’m OK with. It actually tastes like neither – and that’s the point: if they created a ‘Strawberry’ or a ‘Watermelon’ flavor on its own it wouldn’t taste like the real deal so market them as a blend and nobody will complain that they don’t taste like what they’re supposed to taste like.

Anyway. That’s that for that – this is my last post forever. Or maybe not. If I had an evolved sense of shame I would definately stop.

3 thoughts on “Is it a diet or an eating disorder?

  1. Keep on writing! You’re in good company. I’ve been following you for awhile now and have experienced the same ups and downs. I actually did very well during the early part of the pandemic, only to have it fall apart when the whole fam caught a cold in early December and I gave myself permission to enjoy regular food I didn’t have to cook. Then came the holidays… Six months later, I’m back at it…again.

  2. This is so bizarre. I was JUST looking at my WordPress subscriptions a few weeks ago and thought ‘I wonder what happened to that guy?’ LOL and now here you be.

    The last comment I made to you was in June 2018 and while I kept my weight off and stayed healthy for a few years, the pandemic hit and like you, I did daily commutes between my bedroom, office and kitchen with an alarming awareness of how much I sat on my a** all day. I gained back some weight due to the sheer boredom of being at home which lead to zero-carb vodka and poor pizza decisions. You’d think I would have learned. Not knowing how long the pandemic was going to last, I still had visions of emerging fit ‘n slim (as she ruefully laughs to herself). Everyone I know has gained weight over the past year and I personally had to buy new clothes. Talk about a sucker punch.

    Anyhoo, everyday is a new start for me. It’s draining and brings back those old demons (as she sips black coffee). I am in a similar age bracket as you and I realize I am not bouncing back to rapid fitness and weight loss that was the yesteryear of my youth. Dammit all to hell. The ‘there is always tomorrow’ mentality really has to go.

    I still refuse to track my macros and know well enough that focusing on proper food choices leads to healthy gains in so many areas of my life. I followed this mindset for so long, it worked so well so why is it so tough for me now? Not sure but I guess there has been a lack of accountability as I didn’t have to see people for months and it fed (literally and figuratively) my inner introvert with glee. People suck but that is another topic altogether. (I work in HR.)

    You have me motivated (yes, really) to make some chili tonight for dinner and get my food prep game back on. Thank you and don’t wait a couple of years to post again. There are people reading your posts 😉

    1. Thank you for the kind words, DT. A few comments:

      – A ‘poor pizza decision’ is eating bad pizza. Eating quality pizza is *always* a good decision – but with bad consequences.
      – Ah, the ‘zero-carb vodka’ mind-trick. It fools us into focusing on the zero carb and not on that huge caloric hit that any quantity (at effective medicinal levels) will have. Those calories have to be burned first because it’s poison and while it’s burning – your fat is not. I’ve never lost weight while drinking no matter how many times I convinced myself that I could.
      – As to tracking I’ve realized for me that I have to find that ‘sweet spot’ – too much and it becomes such a chore that I bail on the diet. Too little and I have no feedback or accountability – and I can’t reflect on past accounting to see what the trouble might be. These posts are my attempt at accountability I suppose.
      – Yes – people do suck – and they have gotten worse. Seems too many folk were eating lead-filled paint chips off their walls during the pandemic.

      Good luck on your new try.

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