I didn’t wake up one day, jump out of bed, and exclaim to the heavens: ‘Today is the first day of my new diet!’ As I mentioned, there was no committment, No burst of excitement of a fresh start. I can’t even telly you what day I started. I just started weaning myself off of carbs gradually and over the past cuple of days I’ve had ketone measurements of 2.2 – which is pretty high – and blood glucose as low as 92 – which is amazingly low for me.
The scale is NOT keeping in sync with the dramatic numbers above. I am hovering at 300lbs. and no dramatic moves.
But because I didn’t start a diet as much as fall into one, and I don’t have any clearly defined goals, in a weird way I have insulated myself from failure. No goal means I can’t really fail on my diet – at least the weight loss aspect of it.
I feel better eating like this. The first month of ketosis can be a bit rocky and make you feel weird but carbs – the carbs I love – make me feel sick afterward.
So maybe my fate is to remain 300lbs. Maybe I eat keto to feel better. Maybe I eat keto to eat less in general and eat less crap at all. Maybe weight loss shouldn’t be the goal as much as health. Maybe one day the scale will start to be kind to me but blood glucose levels of 92 are also a good thing for a guy that with an entire family of diabetics. Neither parents nor siblings were spared. And the onset was in their 40s and 50s – and I am in my 60th year.
Maybe I take in too much arachidonic acid for Dave Brown’s taste, but despite this, my appetite lessens, cravings morph into something less severe and do not consume my time with food fantasies. My lovely daughter, God bless her, had me get pizza for her from the best pizza place in town and then waxed poetic abut how great their eggplant pizza is, maiking ‘nom-nom’ sounds as she ate. It only registered mildly.
We are not a house that normally stocks candy but a bag of different candies appeared out of nowhere and sits by the microwave where I heat up my coffee. It, too, doesn’t register too high in terms of desire or cravings.
I seemed a bit more hungry today and I had some steak, a lot of steak, actually, but I didn’t measure. Afterwards an Atkin’s shake. I’m hungry now but I’m thinking tomatoes on cheese rather than the leftover pizza.
So how am I going to fail this time? This is not negative thinking: this is engineering. When you build something, a good portion of the thought put into the design has to take in what the failure points might be and design out these failure points.
I am a ‘fan’ (if you can call it that) of failure analysis. How things break is fascinating to me. There’s a Reddit sub called r/catastrophicfailure where other failure geeks post pics and videos and some pretty smart people post there – though there is also a lot of stupid posts as well as some of the content is quite grim and disturbing so I don’t recommend it for kids or sensitive folks.
A lot of the questions are around failure points. Going back to my diet, why have I failed in the past? I think stress would weaken resolve, a lack of losing weight would make me double-down on counting and measuring what I ate (which I hate) and the cognitive burden would weaken resolve, and social events and the leftover goodies found at work nearly every day would also weaken resolve.
But if I am doing the diet because I feel better and didn’t start is as much as fall into it, and I work remote so no suprise goodies appear, will I fail for different reasons? Will I fail because I’m not being honest with myself and I really AM on a diet to lose weight and don’t know it yet? Am I doing it because the world is so out of control that this ritual makes me feel I am in control of something? Or is this just something to do out of boredom – a novelty from being bored and feeling slightly better than I did for 9 months?
I’m stumped at the moment. Any futurists out there want to predict where I’ll be a month from now?