Choosing the Right Mobility Scooter is HARD

I can’t believe just how hard it is to pick a good mobility scooter.

Do I get 3-wheel or 4-wheel? Folding or non-folding? Do I assume that I will make it to 400 pounds and opt for one that I can use long-term?

God – there’s even a *turning radius* I need to concern myself with. Maneuverability in a crowded store on a Saturday is a must.

Then there’s seat height. If the seat is too high I might not be able to reach the lower shelves in the grocery store – but too low and I won’t be able to reach the high ones! I’ve never made a detailed analysis of my shopping patterns to determine if I tend to buy more foods from the higher shelves than the lower. Perhaps I should start gathering statistics on this.

There also seems to be a point at which a lift for your vehicle is a must as these scooters can get heavy. That means I have to decide if I want to trick out my ride – a 10-year-old minivan – with a custom lift. I haven’t even priced those yet.

Let’s not forget about the importance of style. You don’t want to do your electrified cruising through the aisles in something that doesn’t reflect a level of discernment on your part. Some of these scooters are downright stodgy – I’d like to reflect a more modern and polished image.

Beige and blue with an office wastebasket tacked to the front? You can't be serious.
Beige and blue with an office wastebasket tacked to the front? You can’t be serious.

Some try to effect a ‘Harley’ look so you can feel like you’re riding a hog, Steppenwolf’s ‘Born to be Wild’ playing in the background with your biker chick riding behind, her hair blowing back in the wind – instead of just you whirring about on a mobility scooter with a max speed of 4 miles per hour.

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“Get out on the highway, lookin’ for adventure…”

Others are decidedly futuristic, taking a page from the Japanese motorcycle esthetic.

If Darth Vader had a mobility scooter...
If Darth Vader had a mobility scooter…

I don’t know if I’m more a Harley guy or a rice-burner type, not having been a motorcyclist.

People into these things are quite religious about their choices. This choice would put me firmly in one camp and make me a pariah in another so I must choose carefully. Making the wrong esthetic choice could hamper my social life.

Some have names like ‘Prowler’, ‘Maxima’, and my favorite: ‘Avenger’. The definition of the word ‘avenger’ is: one who inflicts punishment for injury or offense. Will I be able to fight crime and make America a better place while buzzing through the candy aisle on an Avenger?

Is anyone really going to fight crime on one of these?
The Avenger. Is anyone really going to fight crime on one of these?

You know what I think?

I think I’d better get the hell back on my diet so I don’t need one of these things!

If Low Carb Makes So Much Sense, Why Do Other Diets Work?

As I’m in bed this morning waiting for the precise perfect moment to roll out, I happened to dwell on the several ads that I’ve been glancing at in magazines and the newspaper recently.  I say recently, but they’re always there, just more so in the beginning of the year, it seems.  You’ve seen the ads, I’m sure: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, the hypnosis ads, the food plan ads, all the health clubs, and plenty of before-and-after photos and testimonials to go with them.  When you’re at the supermarket checkout line, count the number of magazines that have a sure-fire diet plan on the cover.  (Even Dr. Atkins’ diet was the darling of the Vogue readership for years before he published his New Diet Revolution in 1973.)

I’m to the point in Taubes’ Good Calories, Bad Calories that I firmly believe that the only effective way to lose weight is to cut out carbohydrates and make dietary fat a good percentage of your daily diet.  Exercise is not necessary and can actually work against you if you’re trying to drop pounds.  I’m in the middle of an experiment right now, so I can’t really carp for the time being that I haven’t lost any weight doing just this for the last seven weeks.

But come on… other people lose weight doing other things.  Even I have.  One year, I lost over 20 pounds by simply eating a bag of raw vegetables for lunch every day.  Boring as all get-out, but I got into a routine, stopped thinking about it, and the pounds came off.  (Yes, after I stopped that routine, they went back on.)  My first wife and I paid a lot of money to a chain called “Weight Loss Clinic” where we had to go every day to be weighed by a nurse and report what we were eating on a very low calorie diet.  We both lost over 50 pounds each and we both regained most of the loss within six months.  Around that time, we started getting postcards from the business asking if it wasn’t time to come back in if we needed to.  Perpetual customers, what a concept, but hardly original:  the obsolescense factor is a well-known marketing tool.

So why do all these other approaches work at all?

Maybe the key word is “effective,” as I used earlier to describe low carb.  Do you know anyone who lost weight through exercise who gained it back when (if) they stopped their routine?  How about eating low calorie?  I know plenty of people who’ve tried this, and for them it’s a continuous battle with hunger; all they ever seem to talk about is food and how much they want it and how many things they are tempted with.  I personally don’t know anyone who’s lost weight by being hypnotized, but my wife tried it once to quit smoking many years ago and she sat through one session and came back with the report that it was a bunch of nonsense.  (To this day she will occasionally cluck like a chicken, but she doesn’t realize it and I don’t say anything.)

If you’re overweight and you want and need to lose a significant number of pounds, isn’t keeping those pounds off the real issue?  Look at how many studies of subjects on various diets end with those people losing either an insignificant amount of weight or not being able to stay on the eating plan long enough to make a difference.  How many subjects maintain a significant loss for a year or more, a factor considered essential in rating the effectiveness of an eating plan?

I’m not saying low carb is going to work for everyone.  Not because the science is at fault, but because we’re human beings.  There’s a psychological element to dieting to lose weight, and even if we’re losing, we’re leaving something behind that we enjoyed.  Maybe some kind of special food or drink, maybe the camaraderie of joining friends eating things that we now know are very bad with regard to overall health.  Working out takes time away from other things we’d perhaps rather be doing.  Some people get bored doing anything for too long, especially if it takes effort and discipline.  Even some of the women in the Atkins group in the recent Stanford University study of popular diets strayed toward the end, although this group did better than any of the other groups in both weight loss and “sticktuitiveness.”

John Galt knows, I don’t consider myself a poster boy for low carb.  I’m just as guilty of regaining a lot of the weight I lost in 2003.  Almost all of it was because I returned to eating high carb foods, and it started immediately after I started eating carbs.  It was not difficult to eat a low carb diet month after month, year after year.  I never had a problem turning down celebratory cake slices at birthday parties, or dessert when eating out.  I haven’t felt a desire to patronize the snack machine at work except for an occasional bag of peanuts. 

When I read that eating carbs begets an urge to eat more carbs, I believe it because I’ve been through it and I see it all around me every day.  There’s little satiety in carbohydrates.  Conventional nutritional wisdom tells people to fill up on fiber to make them “feel full” and therefore fend off their appetite.  I’m amazed when I think about how infrequently I feel any hunger at all, in fact, I probably eat when I do because it’s “time” to eat more than for any other reason.

I’m still looking forward to correcting the results of my backsliding, and maybe, just maybe, this time I’ve learned my lesson for good.  Anything’s possible.